Weed is a plant known for its relaxing effects provided by the high. I have a relationship with weed.

Firstly, it is important to know that some of my disorders are associated with a significantly increased risk for substance abuse. I believe i’m doing it because it makes me feel safe, i’m filling a void. When i start, it’s really hard to stop. It’s like i’m in a vicious spiral.
I started smoking a few years ago occasionally to disconnect but i discovered way more about it. For the first time i’m my life, i was able to focus, hear myself think, and my body didn’t hurt anymore. It felt like i was able to turn off my brain while healing the body. I didn’t know i had ADHD back then but i’ve read that ADHD patients using cannabis could possibly reduce the dosage of medication required. Recently i’ve prescribed lithium so i had to stop my ADHD medication and so far, i will alright. Weed does it.

When i smoke, i have this feeling of being present, existing and deeply connected to myself. My whole body is relaxed. When i need to do certain things, i know weed will be a good idea since it’s going to help me focus on the task. It doesn’t disturb me when i need to study or work, i have control over it. I am able to work normally without any problem while being high because i don’t smoke a big quantity, i am careful with it.
As a bipolar and borderline patient, addictions are usually common. I started smoking cigarettes then i was introduced to this magic green flower. Weed also helps me with my fears : when i smoke, i’m able to go outside. It’s giving me the right energy to do things and face my fears. When i smoke, i don’t feel anxiety anymore, instead i feel complete and alive.

Obviously with weed comes side effects. I tend to be more forgetful. That’s the only side effect i have. Weed is not for everyone, some people will feel bad… but for others, it will help. Just like a crutch*.
Medications are also a crutch, but they are prescribed by doctors. Weed is like self medication. As long as it doesn’t interfere with my prescribed medication, i’ll probably be smoking.
I stopped smoking several times during several weeks and i was just fine.

* why would you judge someone with a crutch?

I know i can to do without but it gives me comfort and peace of mind. I feel good right now, so why would i stop?
My goal is to smoke the less possible, just enough to make me feel good. Maybe someday i’ll stop forever, but for now i’m focusing on feeling good and feeling myself.

I am aware that smoking kills, tobacco is very bad. I am also aware that weed can have long term side effects that i will potentially experience as i’m getting older, but it’s the choice that i’ve made. I wanna feel good now. If i have to answer, i’ll say i use weed therapeutically and not recreationally. I am so used to it i don’t feel slow down or any kind of uncontrollable behaviours. I feel just fine when i’m feeling good.

Finally, weed can be helpful for some people. It keeps my sane. It works for me, i am glad it does but i wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. It is a personal experience and a choice that i can’t and don’t want to influence. In the end, it is still a drug and it must be use wisely. I wish everyone good luck with their quest to sanity, it’s not over yet, keep fighting.

Lev